Irresistible Desire To Be Desired Irresistibly
There is a rather extraordinary thing about being human. We spend our lives chasing money, success, recognition, comfort, beauty, security. That said, there is something beneath it all that we rarely say out loud. We want to be wanted. Not by everybody. By somebody. There is a beautiful line attributed to Louis Ginzberg: “Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.” Nine words that somehow manage to explain a remarkable amount of human life. Think about it. Why do we dress up before going somewhere? Why do we make an effort to smell good? Why do we cook something special for someone? Why do we work hard, build a home, take care of ourselves, remember birthdays, tell stories, send messages, save photographs? Survival plays a part, so does vanity. There is also something older and tender. We want to matter to somebody. We want someone to look across a crowded room and be glad that we are there. We want our absence to be noticed. We want our presence to make someone's day a little better. We want to be the person someone thinks of when they hear a particular song, smell a particular perfume, pass an old restaurant, or see something ridiculously funny that only the two of us would understand. That, perhaps, is one of love's greatest gifts. It makes us desirable to one another. But here is where the thought gets interesting. If we want to be desired, perhaps we have to become desirable. It does not necessarily mean prettier, richer, or more successful. I mean becoming the kind of person whose presence feels good to another. The person who listens, remembers, or notices that something is wrong even when the other person says, “I'm fine.” Who can still make you laugh after years together. Or asks about the thing you mentioned three weeks ago. That kind of desirability has very little to do with appearance. It is built, quietly, out of thousands of tiny acts. We want to be loved deeply, so we learn to become someone who is worth loving deeply. Not perfect, Not endlessly cheerful. Not impressive. Just present. Interested. Kind. Alive to the people around us. Because there is something else I've come to believe. There is no achievement quite like being deeply loved by another person. You can own things, collect awards, build companies, travel the world, have a name that thousands of people recognize. But at the end of a very long day, there is something almost impossibly precious about knowing: Someone is happy that I exist. And perhaps that's why love is so powerful. It gives our ordinary lives witnesses. Someone remembers the version of you that existed before you became who you are today. They know your embarrassing stories, what makes you laugh, or how you like your coffee. They also know when you are not really OK, or pretending not to be annoyed. And, wonderfully, they stay. So perhaps the question isn't only: “Who do I want to love me?” Maybe, the more interesting question is: “For whom am I becoming someone worth wanting?” Because sometimes the person we most want to be desired by is also the person who is waiting, quite unknowingly, to feel desired by us. Who in your life would feel a little more loved if they knew just how much you wanted them in your life? Until tomorrow, Bob.
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