Why Grandparents Feel Different?
Today is Grandparents Day. And, it made me think about mine. I remember the fun, the little indulgences, and the feeling that somehow the rules became a little softer when grandparents were around. Then I thought about my parents. With them, there was usually a job to be done. Eat your dinner. Finish your homework. Be home on time. Wear a sweater. Don't do that. Do this. Why do these two relationships feel so different? For a long time, I thought it was simply because grandparents were better at spoiling us. I don't think that's the whole story. Parents are responsible for raising you. Grandparents are often there to experience you. A parent has to worry about the consequences of tomorrow. Your health, education, manners, safety, and eventually the type of person you’re going to become someday. A grandparent has already lived through many of those tomorrows. They have watched children grow up, making mistakes, worried about things that, in hindsight, turned out not to matter quite as much as they thought. So when you come along, they may have a different luxury: They can simply enjoy you. Maybe that is why a grandparent can spend twenty minutes listening to a story that a parent does not have the time for. The extra cookie comes easier from them. Something your parents find annoying might make them laugh instead. And the thing that drive parents crazy? They often have more patience for those. It isn't necessarily that grandparents love you more. It may be love, that looks different when you aren't carrying the entire responsibility for what happens next. And there is something rather beautiful about that. Parents give us roots. Grandparents often give us perspective. Parents teach us how to navigate the world. Grandparents can remind us that the world is also meant to be enjoyed. Parents are often looking forward: "What will this child become?" Grandparents can afford to look backward and sideways: "Look how far you've already come." Sometimes that is the reason grandparents become the keepers of family stories. They remember your father when he was twelve, or your mother before she became a mother. The embarrassing stories nobody else tells. And pieces of your family's history, the parts that would otherwise disappear, are carried in what they remember. Perhaps, years later, we finally understand something our younger selves couldn't: Our parents weren't always being difficult. Sometimes they were simply carrying a responsibility that we were too young to see. Parent says, "Put your coat on. It's cold." Grandparent says, "Come here, let me give you a hug." We need both. One protects us from the cold. The other makes us feel warm. So today isn't only a day to remember grandparents. It might also be a day to look at our parents a little differently, to remember that the same person can play very different roles in our lives at different stages. The child sees the parent who says no. The adult sometimes finally sees the person who was trying to protect them. And somewhere in between those two views is a lifetime of love. So if you were lucky enough to have grandparents, try and reach out to them. If not possible physically, maybe in your memory. Remember the room, the smell, the chair they always sat on. And of course , the food Grandma cooked. The strange little things they allowed you to get away with. And maybe, just maybe, you'll remember someone else too. A parent who was trying to do something very different but equally important. When you look back now, what is something your parents did that you once misunderstood but finally understand as love? Happy Sunday, Bob.
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