The Most Underrated Aphrodisiac?
Not lingerie. Not candles. Not champagne. Read on… A few days ago, a friend told me something that made me laugh first and then made me think. She had been talking to someone she was becoming close to. Nothing particularly dramatic had happened. No grand dinner. No expensive gift. No carefully planned romantic evening. They had simply been sitting across from each other, talking. And at one point, they stopped talking. They just looked at each other. She said it was one of the most intimate moments she had experienced in a long time. I understood what she meant. Because perhaps we have spent so much time trying to make intimacy more stimulating, when what it may really need is the opposite. Less. Less noise. Less distraction. Less reaching for something outside ourselves to manufacture a feeling that may already be sitting quietly inside us. Think about what happens when someone looks directly into your eyes while you are speaking. They aren't merely seeing you. For those few seconds, they are saying: I am here. I see you. I am listening. That can be remarkably powerful. And perhaps that is why attention has always played such an important role in human relationships and is one of the best accepted natural Aphrodisiac. Long before phones could buzz on a dinner table, people had to sit across from one another. Long before we could send a heart with one tap, people had to actually look at one another to know what the other person was feeling. Our ancestors had fewer ways to stimulate themselves. However, they had something we sometimes struggle to find today: Attention. There is something almost funny about this. We have invented thousands of ways to make life more exciting. Like music everywhere, endless entertainment, notifications, photographs, videos, messages, advertisements, instant information. And yet one of the most powerful experiences available to us remains remarkably primitive. Sit with someone. Look at them. Listen. Notice the tiny change in their expression when they talk about something they care. Let the silence stay for an extra few seconds. Nothing to optimize. Just two human beings paying attention to each other. A marriage can sometimes be refreshed not by adding something new, but by removing everything that keeps two people from noticing what is already there. Maybe some of the best things in life work this way. They don't require more stimulation. They require less interference. The body already knows how to breathe. The eyes already know how to recognize someone we love. The mind already knows how to wander into a memory when it encounters the right smell, song, photograph or voice. And the heart has an extraordinary capacity to respond when we give it room. Technology isn't the enemy here. Neither are candles, champagne, music, beautiful clothes, or any of the things we use to create atmosphere. They can all be wonderful. I guess, they work best as the background. The real magic may still be two people being completely, unmistakably present with each other. Who in your life would you like to be starry eyed with? Pray don’t tell… Just do it! Until tomorrow, Bob.
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