The Mind Is A Great Servant But A Poor Master.
A few days ago, I was speaking to an old college friend, Ellison, who had just returned from a spiritual retreat. He told me he was feeling remarkably better. More positive. More peaceful. One thing he said stayed with me. “The human mind is a great servant, but a poor master.” I have been thinking about that ever since, because we may have been expecting too much from our minds. We ask our minds questions like: Will this relationship work out? Maybe I should call her. I hope Dad knows how much he means to me. Perhaps I’ll spend more time with my brother. Let’s see what happens. And then we wonder why nothing happens. Yet perhaps the mind was never meant to make those decisions for us. More likely, its great talent is something else. Execution. Think about it. Tell yourself, “I want to get somewhere,” and your mind begins looking for a route. Tell yourself, “I want to learn something,” and suddenly you start noticing books, people, and ideas connected to it. Give it a clear direction, and it starts working quietly in the background. It looks for possibilities, connects dots, and begins to figure out how. Once you ask it to decide what you truly want, things get murkier. That part may belong to us, and this becomes especially interesting when we think about relationships. Because most of us don't have a shortage of people we care about. We have a shortage of clear intentions. We think about calling an old friend, a parent, or a teacher. We think about telling someone we love them. However, “thinking” is not really an instruction. And the mind is very good at turning maybe into later. Try something different. Just a clear instruction. “I want to know Sam, my new friend better.” See what your mind does with that. You may suddenly remember a conversation you never finished. You may notice that he mentioned something he loves doing. You may find yourself thinking about an evening when the two of you could simply sit together. The relationship hasn't changed yet. But something important has. Your mind now has a direction. And once the mind has a direction, it can become a surprisingly powerful partner. I guess this is one of the great untapped abilities we carry around with us every day. We use our minds to calculate, remember, plan, and solve problems. But we may be underusing them for something much more important: Deciding what kind of relationships we want to have. Because the quality of our lives is deeply connected to the quality of the relationships we live inside. And sometimes the first step toward improving one isn't doing something. It is deciding something. Deciding: I want to be closer to her. I want to understand him better. I don't want this friendship to quietly disappear. I want my children to know how proud I am of them. I want to become the kind of friend people can rely on. Once the decision becomes clear, the mind can begin its work. It starts looking for the words. The opportunity. The moment. The little opening. And sometimes, that little opening is all a relationship needs. So perhaps the question isn't: “What will happen?” Perhaps it is: “What do I want to happen?” There is a big difference. One leaves your mind waiting. The other gives it a job. And somewhere today, someone may come to your mind while you are reading this. Don't dismiss that thought too quickly. Your mind may be trying to tell you something. What is one decision about a relationship you want to turn into a clear instruction to your mind today? Until tomorrow, Bob
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