Five minutes with Bob · Posted by Bob · October 9, 2026

Silence Can Be Golden…

I recently came across an idea associated with Buddhist practice that stayed with me: spending some time in complete silence. No conversations. No unnecessary noise. Just you, your thoughts, and the world around you. I was curious enough to try it myself. One Sunday, I went for nearly 12 hours without speaking. What surprised me most wasn't how difficult it was to remain silent, but how much I began to notice when I stopped talking. My mind wandered through all sorts of things. My work. My relationships. The things that were going well. The things that were bothering me. And a few things I had been too busy to think about. It felt as though, for once, I had given myself the time to listen. And that got me thinking about something we rarely consider: how well do we really listen to ourselves when we are busy listening, talking, and responding to everyone else? Think about the last time someone close to you upset you. Perhaps your partner said something that hurt. A friend did not call when you expected them to. A family member misunderstood your intentions. You may have moved on with your day, answered emails, completed your work, and spoken to dozens of people. But did the feeling actually disappear? Sometimes, it stays with us quietly. We become a little less patient, a little more distant, or a little quicker to react the next time that person says something. We may even convince ourselves that everything is fine because we have not thought about it consciously. Perhaps we simply have not given ourselves the space to understand what we feel. Silence can offer that space. When the usual distractions fall away, we may begin to notice what has been troubling us, what we have been longing for, and what we have left unsaid. We might discover that our irritation with someone is really disappointment. That our distance from a friend comes from feeling forgotten. Or that we have been so occupied with our responsibilities that we have neglected someone who matters to us. Of course, silence does not guarantee these discoveries. But it allows us to pay attention. Understanding yourself can change how you understand others Here is something I find particularly interesting about relationships. We often spend considerable time trying to understand what another person meant, why they behaved a certain way, or whether they care about us as much as we care about them. Yet we may not always understand our own reactions. Why did that remark hurt so much? Why are we still holding on to an old disagreement? Why do we keep postponing a conversation we know matters? When we understand our feelings a little better, we create room between what happens to us and how we respond. That room can make a difference. Instead of reacting in anger, we might explain what hurt us. Instead of assuming that someone does not care, we might consider what else could be happening in their life. Instead of waiting for the other person to make the first move, we might recognize our own part in the distance that has grown between us. We cannot control how other people behave. But greater awareness can help us choose how we respond to them. And sometimes, that is where a relationship begins to change. What if we listened before trying to fix anything? There is another possibility worth considering. When we become more attentive to our own inner world, we may also become more attentive to the people around us. We might notice that a friend has been unusually quiet. That our partner has been carrying more than they have let on. That a parent keeps repeating an old story, perhaps because the memory still means something to them. We may begin to recognize the difference between hearing someone's words and being genuinely present with the person speaking. This is not about becoming a perfect listener or never making mistakes. It is about noticing a little more. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing we can offer another person is not advice, an answer, or a solution. It is the feeling that someone is truly paying attention. And perhaps that begins with learning to pay attention to ourselves. A little quiet now and then might help us better understand what is happening within us, and the more thoughtfully we may be able to show up for the people who share our lives. That, I guess, is worth a little silence. When was the last time you were quiet enough to understand what you were feeling about someone you love, and did that understanding change anything between you? Until tomorrow, Bob