Five minutes with Bob · Posted by Bob · October 16, 2026

First impression need not be the last

I have a small confession to make. There have been times when I've walked away after meeting someone new and replayed the conversations in my head. Why did I say that? Why did I try so hard to be funny? That isn't quite how I feel. Why did I make it sound that way? I guess I'm not alone in this. It's curious, isn't it? When we meet someone we'd genuinely like to know better, we sometimes become less like ourselves. We talk too much, try too hard to impress, agree when we don't really agree, or say something sharper than we intended. And then, when we meet that person again, we’re carrying the memory of a version we wish we hadn't presented. A little awkwardness creeps in. We remember what we said. We wonder what they thought of us. We may even avoid another conversation because we aren't quite comfortable with the version of ourselves they first encountered. Recently, I was listening to a podcast featuring a well-known beauty consultant. Among the things she discussed, one observation caught my attention: “The first impression is always the last impression.” I began thinking about how much this matters beyond our appearance. What happens when we meet someone for the first time? Do we let them see who we are, or do we introduce them to the person we think they might like? That got me wondering whether making a good first impression is less about getting everything right and more about finding a comfortable middle ground between being ourselves and giving a new relationship room to grow. We all want to make a good impression. But sometimes, in trying too hard, we end up making the wrong one. Think about the person who laughs a little louder than usual, agrees with everything, or tells stories that make their life sound more exciting than it really is. Perhaps you've been that person yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. The interesting part is what happens when that desire begins to influence how we behave. We may leave a conversation having made a favorable impression, yet feel strangely dissatisfied. The other person seemed to like us. But did they like us? Or did they like the person we were trying to be? That distinction matters because a friendship that begins with a performance can eventually leave us wondering how long we must keep performing. So, how much of ourselves should we reveal? The consultant described what she called a 60:40 rule for first impressions. The idea was to present roughly 60% of your authentic self while keeping the remaining 40%—the more personal, unusual, or revealing parts of your personality—to discover over time. It isn't a scientific formula for friendship. Nor is there a perfect percentage that works for everyone. But the underlying thought is worth considering. A first meeting is not the whole relationship. It is simply the beginning of one. You don't need to tell a new acquaintance your entire life story over coffee. Equally, you don't need to pretend to be more successful, agreeable, adventurous, or confident than you feel. There is a middle ground between hiding yourself and revealing everything. You can be warm without being overfamiliar. You can disagree without turning a conversation into a contest. Perhaps it is a genuine introduction to yourself, with enough room for the other person to discover the rest. Think of the friendships that have become important in your life. Did every conversation go wonderfully from the beginning? Did you always find the right words? Or did some friendships grow out of ordinary exchanges—a shared laugh, an awkward silence, a small admission, or the discovery that you both enjoy something surprisingly mundane? We sometimes give the first meeting so much importance that we forget what a relationship actually needs: the opportunity to develop. A first impression can open a door. It cannot tell us everything about the person standing on the other side. When you meet someone you'd genuinely like to know better, do you allow them to meet the person you really are? Or do you become someone you think they would prefer? Enjoy your day, Bob